What Do I Do....?

I've been stressing out for hours now all because of a dream I had a few nights before, and now here I am typing out a blog post at 2 am, unable to sleep. It seems to have been a prophetic dream... You know, one of those dreams that pretty much land up actually occurring in reality. Normally, I don't make such a big deal over these, as the ones I usually get tend to be trivial and don't have any positive or negative effects on my life, but this time, it's different. This time, my marriage could be at risk.

In my dream, my husband was playing WoW (which really isn't so out of the ordinary to begin with, since he plays often) and he was talking to someone on there. I could see the username, and in my dream, I had asked who that was, and he had told me that it was someone he had met the day before while playing. He said that he didn't plan on getting to know this person or asking them personal questions about themselves and that he just likes having friends in the games he plays. Sure enough, today (well, I guess technically it would be yesterday now...) I saw that same exact username on his screen while he was playing WoW, and when I asked him about it, he said the exact same thing that he said in the dream. Now of course, this alone isn't even that big of a deal, but I promise that it gets worse.

Fast forward a few days (or weeks, or even months maybe...?) in the dream, and all my husband wants to do is play WoW all the time and talk to this person. He lands up forming a bond with them, and then finding out that this person is a girl. He starts talking about how awesome he thinks she is, and flirting with her online all the time, and eventually he tells me that he thinks he has feelings for her. The very thought of this happening is devastating to me, and I have no idea what to do. On one hand, I can bring this up to him and try to prevent it (which I want to do), but on the other... I wonder if this is going to really land up happening, if I should just let it be. If this is what's going to happen, would it be wrong if I try to fight against it for my own happiness and possibly preventing my husband from being with someone who could make him even happier than I could ever dream of making him as a result? Would it be selfish of me to do anything but stand idly by and watch everything as it unfolds? Do I just leave? Or do I just try to stay calm and hope that the rest of my dream doesn't come true?

I'm nervous about what may happen if I bring this up to my husband... I want to trust him and I want to believe that our relationship is strong enough to overcome anything, but this is just too much of a coincidence so far. Then again, it could very well be just that... mere coincidences. Ugh... A few days ago, I wouldn't have even given that dream a second thought, and now it's driving me insane! I don't know what to do.... I feel so conflicted and I can't get it out of my head. *sigh* Maybe I should just gather up all of my courage and talk to him about this, and then see what he does... I'm crossing my fingers and hoping everything will turn out alright. Wish me luck!

Can't Sleep...

It's my second night by myself since my husband had gone to Florida. I really dislike being here alone when night comes around... At least during the days, I can go out and distract myself, but at night, I'm confined to the house (ladies shouldn't be out by themselves at night; it's not safe!) and I start to realize just how lonely I feel. The house just seems so empty with no one else around... I can't help but be a bit sad when I think about that.

Well, at least I am able to talk to my husband daily, so that makes things a bit better. So far we talk once in the morning, then in the afternoon, and then right before he goes to bed. Still, it's not quite the same as him being here. 

I know, I know... I'm whining too much. :P I guess when it comes to the people I love and care about most, I can get really clingy. I can't help it! Dx I have to say though, even though he's not right next to me, I'm happy that he's having so much fun with his family and friends. ^_^ He doesn't get to see them very often, being in the army and currently residing on the opposite side of the country from them. They only get to see him about twice a year! I only have to be without him for 10 more days. Compared to how long they all have to wait just to see him, that's really nothing. It makes me feel a little bad when I think about that... Still, I'm really looking forward to him coming back! xD I guess the saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is really true! Since he's not around, it just makes me want him even more! Interesting how that works... :P 

Anyways, I should really try to get some sleep. It would be bad if me staying up late persists and I look like a total wreck as soon as he walks through the door. Lols! Good night, everyone! Have pleasant dreams. :)

Is Time Speeding Up?

It certainly feels like it is. It really feels like this week just came and went in a blink of an eye. O_O In a way, I do like that it hasn't been dragging along, but at the same time, I wish that it would slow down a bit, especially since when Wednesday rolls around, I'll be by myself for two weeks. :( My hubby will be flying to Florida to spend time with his friends and family, since he's not entirely sure how often he'll be able to visit them once we are in Japan. Just thinking about this is making me miss him already! TT_TT

It's funny though... Three years ago before I met him, the idea of living alone with no one else around seemed ideal to me. I really thought that that was how I was going to live, and I was happy with the idea. Now, I can't even imagine sleeping alone in a big bed without someone rolling over to my side and clinging to me. xD Not only that, but this place is going to be really quiet without him, too. Hearing him curse and yell at the games he plays everyday has become so normal to me, and quite frankly, I find it to be hilarious. :P

*sigh* I'm starting to get all mopey, even though I know he won't be gone forever. Plus, I am the one who decided to stay behind on the trip this time around, since I want to spend a bit more time with my mother and my brother, who is coming in from Georgia for leave (my brother is also in the army). Well, thinking about it now, I suppose I won't be completely alone after all, but for the most part, I will be. It's a shame that I can't really spend the night at my mom's place or wherever my brother will happen to be staying, since I have my furry babies to look after and I surely can't take them all with me. v_v;

Ugh! I need to think positive! I shouldn't feel so glum! I'm perfectly capable of having fun on my own. This could be a good opportunity for me to have more time to do the things I enjoy doing, such as reading and maybe going out and doing some shopping... It's not like I live far away from a certain tourist area (which shall not be named for private reasons), so I have no reason to stay at home bored. Maybe it may be nice to go out to eat somewhere by myself, either. If I keep myself as busy as possible, it won't be so bad. Thinking of it like that makes me feel a bit better already! ^.^

Venting...

It's been a couple of days since my husband's friends have arrived here at our home, and while I do not mind their company in the least, I notice something about my husband every time they're around; his personality changes. I suppose it's like this for many people, but a lot of the time it seems he becomes slightly annoyed with me and a little more snappy. Sometimes I feel like I don't even exist, but I guess that's to be expected since he really doesn't see his friends all that often, but I still can't help but feel a little bothered by this. What really took the cake was that earlier, I just asked for a hug, and while he did give me what I wanted, he said afterward that he didn't want to show too much affection around company. -_- I didn't think a hug was all that much to ask for or was so inappropriate...

The odd thing is that this behavior comes and goes randomly throughout the day. One moment he is kind of cold toward me, the next he's all charming, but by then I'm already upset and can't bring myself to be all cute and loving. Sadly, I just can't act the way he expects me to whenever it's most convenient for him. I like how he is much better when it's just the two of us, when he's pretty much always sweet to me and tells me things like how much he misses me after a long day of work and that seeing me makes him feel so much happier. Of course, I would never forbid his friends from coming over and staying even though I feel this way. Like I said before in a previous post, I like that they care enough about him to come and visit, especially when some of them come over from different countries just to spend time with him. That kind of friendship is really hard to come by, and I would never want to ruin that. The only thing I can do is just stick it out and try not to lose my temper. It's not like this will last forever.

Honestly, I already feel better just being able to get this all off my chest. It feels good to be able to say exactly what's on my mind, especially during the times when I can't really talk it out with anyone. *Sigh* I must seem so pathetic... haha. Oh well. :P I'm off to go do my own thing now and kill some time! Sims 2, here I come!